GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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