I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
