That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
