My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Boobs speak an international language.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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