They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
