anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
