I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
