he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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