he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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