That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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