i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
