There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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