Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
