Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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