if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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