what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you would pick up someone in the library
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
