Will you blow on my dice?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
