Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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