Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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