That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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