I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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