I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize