the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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