my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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