They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
