turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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