I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
