found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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