I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
