What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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