Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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