he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
