remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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