Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
