My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
