I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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