last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
