And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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