she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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