Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
