when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
