tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
