We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
