i would punch a child for taco bell
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
