ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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