So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
