Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
