K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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