I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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