First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
