you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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