You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
