My room smells like vodka and shame
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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