Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
