I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
