the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
