we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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