I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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