Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
