Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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