i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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