yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
