idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
