the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
