I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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