he wants to bone in the snuggie
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
