bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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