I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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